Quotes

Or: Reasons I Love Robert Clark:

"A train is travelling south at 100 miles per pie, how much sand is in the bucket?
Answer: None! Ice-cream don't have bones!"

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Dad:

"Wasn't it nice of The Beatles to let Ringo hang out with them?"

(Upon looking at the card he was just dealt while playing a card game)
"DUDE! There's a card that says "YOU WIN!"?"

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Liz:

(Upon seeing her first quote on my page....)
"This is my finest hour, bwahahahahahahhahaha!"

"Then, instead of a pinata, we're going to try and beat the shit out of something with a bat, if we can."

"It makes me want to fling cereal at her eyes."

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Matt:

(When talking about Walmart....)
"They're EVERYWHERE here. Seriously... everywhere... I could urinate in any direction and get fined for peeing on their property."

(When Watching Evil Dead)
"Hahah that blood is so fake. That blood = blood from Scotty's eyes. Ask Scott if he bleeds like that if you gauge his eyes out. If he doesn't know -- find out."

"There's nothing worse than a French whore... they don't shave."

(In reference to the rumors of the alterations to the Star Wars DVD trilogy)
"So, is Lucas really that lonely...? I mean does he really have to rape his movies to get thrills these days?"

"My ears just started ringing... hang on a sec, I gotta take this."

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Me:

"Dusty is the colour of a slightly used urnial."

(While looking through a bag of candy)
"Dude! This has Milkyways?! You know Scott, you can redeem those for sex at your local Mandy."

(After Scott force-pushed a bot named TK-421 into a chasm in Jedi Outcast)
"That's for not being at your post, dammit!"

(Literally three minutes into the beginning of Mission to Mars)
"So far I like Rocket Man better."

"Me genius think I!" (prounounced "genie-us")

"I like him because he has clever pants."

"A drawer without pretzels is no drawer of mine!!"

"I put the "M" in "stupid"!"

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Michael:

"But the storyline and the names of the people are sheer inverted genius."

"His nose is so big, when he went to a bar mitzvah he came back with first place."

"Wow... did the room just get fatter or did Brandon just sit down?"

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Nick:

"I'm so happy it takes up three lines, hizoe."

(Talking about seeing the movie Signs)
"It's a good "theatre movie". As in like, this girl sitting next to me who I didn't know kept looking at me and going "Oh my God!"; it's kind of an experience for everyone, I guess. ...I think she was saying that because I wasn't wearing any pants, but it was still a scary movie."

"Okay tell me if this is a good pickup line: "Hey, are your hands tired? Because you've been making me dinner in my mind all day."

"Kevin Kline was HILARIOUS in Sophie's Choice You guys? Guys? Remember when she had to choose which kid would die? You guys? That was GUT BUSTING."

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Robbie:

(After I got a quiz result saying that my "Anime Boyfriend" is Ryouga Hibiki and Robbie took the same quiz)
"Apparently Ryouga is my anime boyfriend too! Now we can have humorous adventures where we fight over him!"

"What exactly does a sound designer do? Other than play around with their daughter's toys."

"Sleep well, and if I come for you in the night, be not afraid. I bring only carrots, nothing more."

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Robert:

"Kids are like slinkies. You don't really care about them, but you can't help but smile when you see one fall down the stairs."

"The Ninja, by Robert A. Julian

There once was a hippopotamus
As eccentric as could be
He lived in the forest of Sporkshire
Where he ate so peacefully

Along came a squirrel with a nut in tow
And a careless attitude
With little thought of consequence
He was often viewed as rude

The squirrel never saw it coming
He tripped over a stick
The nut he had slipped and fell to the ground
Which was not exactly slick

It made a small thump as it hit the floor
But it was much more than enough
The hippo heard the noise a mile away
And his retaliation: rough

The destruction was complete and total
Not a single tree remained
A light breeze swirled around some ash
The hippopotamus indisputably reigned"

"Why does Photoshop take so long to open up? I think whenever you aren't running it, it's doing some not-nice things, and so it has to clean up its room before you can use it."

(Talking about destroying the people who moved into my old house....)
"I am building a scampi-powered plasma-rifle, and soon the pay phones will be correctly aligned."

(Talking about how easy it is for him to beat the last boss in Chrono Cross....)
"'Cause I've got more stamina belts and rings than you can fit in a housecat."

(Accusing me of re-writing the bible for Matt....)
"And God did create the world - but not before Matt did. And God's world was thrown to the dogs, as it was inferior./And Matt did show God up, and God hid under the table, whilst Matt stole some cheese and cookies./And God said to (some prophet) blah blah blah. And lo, Matt did interrupt and tell God to shut up, sayeth he, "Shut up, hizoe!" Behold, Matt did lock God up in his room, and gave him no dinner for a week."

"Is this a forehead which I see before me, the cemetary gate toward my headrest? Come, let me feed Jelly Babies to thee."

"Strange. Very peculiaris."

"Do you sometimes find yourself wishing you were a sunfish?"

"The average teenager is completely moronic, their vocabulary consists only of words three letters or less. Note the sentence: "I'll pop a cap up yo ass."

"Would you rather fall off a Shover Robot, or fit inside a sparkly umbrella?"

"Battleships - quash them or spoil the ambassador's guests with them, you can't flirt outrageously with them."

"Is that a petrol pump in your Goth, or are you just subterranean?"

"If you could choose between looking at a garage and tying your shoes, which would you pick?"

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Scott:

"Well next time just listen to the bear's butt."

"It sounds like someone just adjusted the bitrate on that cat."

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Yoshi:

(When I told her a friend of a friend didn't care for an awesome movie:)
"Maybe Awesome killed her parents so that's why she can't like anything that's awesome."

"I would hang out with my peers... if they hadn't the IQs of an actual pier."

"Stupid Jesus... stole my tokens."

"I've prepared some Emo for you in the bathroom."

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Conversations:

(Dad is watching an interview of himself on TV.)
Dad: Is that what I really look like?
Me: Yes, dad that's what you look like.
Dad: I really look that fat?
Me: Well you know what they say, the camera adds ten pounds.
Dad: Do they really say that?
Me: Yeah... to fat people.

(After Jeff had consumed a mint and then entered a restaurant:)
Jeff: I had mint in my mouth when I came.
(I begin giggling.)
Sally: I would like to meet this "Mint."

(When Matt and I were talking about a way for him to get here)
Matt: Tell your dad I think he is the best muscian in the WHOLE WORLD and he could outdrum any drummer in the world... And also tell him my address.
Me: Dad called you cool and laughed.
Matt: He called me cool...And after he said that he wrote down my address right... And then grabbed his keys and some snacks... right... right??

Me: Yoshi, aren't you glad we'll never have ex-girlfriends
(Yoshi walks up to me and puts her arm around me)
Yoshi: That's right, 'cause we'll be together forever.

Nick: Hey did you know that Sylvester Stallone was in a porn film?
Me: Really?
Nick: Yeah like one of his first acting jobs.
Me: I bet you watch it all the time.
Nick: Yeah it's awesome because right before he blows his wad he goes, "ADRIANNNNN I LOVE YOU!!!" and he has blood on his face for some reason and when he finishes this old guy in a sweatsuit comes in and goes "You did it, Rock!"

Trevor: Nice socks, wanna fuck?
Me: But I'm not even wearing socks!
Trevor: Ah, then we're halfway there.

(After playing a deathmatch in a Half-Life mod together)
Me: You hate me. ;.;
Dan: o.o No I don't.
Me: Liar.
Dan: You're the one that was shooting at me.
Me: You shot at me, too!
Dan: There was a spider on the top of your head.

Scott: Truth or dare?
Me: Truth.
Scott: I truth you to take off your clothes.

Robbie: Hello!
Liz: Hello... person...?
Robbie: I'm a friend of Mandy's.
Liz: You are a damn genius.

(At the drive-through speaker of Buger King)
Dad: I'll have the BK Chicken Sandwich.
Employee: Do you want the meal with that, or just the sandwich?
Dad: Just the sandwich Umm... it's a meal in itself.

(When mom screwed up something on some online form)
Mom: It wants me to enter a nonwhite space character.
Dad: Lando Calrissian.

(When I called Robert and his dad picked up the phone)
Robert's dad: Hang on a minute. HEY ROBERT! Phone for you!
Robert: Who is it?
Robert's dad: Uhh... you know that girl, her name starts with J.
(Robert comes to the phone)
Robert: Hello?
Me: Hi.
Robert: Hi... hang on a second. (Yells) J?!
Robert's dad: Yeah!
Robert: IN WHAT ALPHABET?

(After updating my site with Nick quotes)
Me: Yay my page is updated and Nickified. Hmm... or not... my page is being an ass.
Nick: Well you did say it was Nickified.

(Trevor trying to re-tell an anecdote involving the Irish that Tom had told....)
Trevor: No no no. You see, she had done the laundry that day and forgot to take them out...
Tom, interrupting: No no no, you see. It's "wash."
Trevor: Wash. Okay, I'm sorry.
Tom: Not laundry, the Irish don't have laundry.

Matt: My Pink Skirt is better than your blue one anyday!
Robert: Like Hell!

(Matt was randomly IMed by Clark....)
Clark: I'm a friend of Robert's.
Matt: Ah Clark or something?
Clark: Damn. You figured it out too quick. How the Hell did you know?
Matt: Well, Robert doesn't have TOO many friends that I'm aware of.
Matt: .... And I've heard about you from Mandy.
Clark: Oh shit.

(When dad was on a Macrobiotic Diet)
Me: We need foooood!
Dad: Mmm, look, I'm eating food!
Me: I meant people food.

Me: Dad, do you know of any other good epic fantasies like Lord of the Rings? Matt wants to find some.
Dad: Do I know of any other good epic fantasies like Lord of the Rings?
Me: That's what I said.
Dad: Uhhh... The Bible?

(While I was doing laundry)
Me: Wanna help me here?
Scott: With what?
Me: What does it look like?
Scott: A one-person job.

Robbie: "I got a coffee maker."
Yoshi: "It's not very nice to refer to your girlfriend as "a coffee maker." I'm sure she has a name."

Upon seeing a big group of goth teenagers wandering around Santa Rosa:
Me: Look at that! It's a gaggle of goths!
Scott: Goths don't come in gaggles. There's got to be a better word for that....
Me: A pack? A murder?
Scott: No that's crows... I got it! It's an emo. An emo of goths.

Rustin: They should make another Mortal Kombat movie.
Scott: Why?
Rustin: So Keanu Reeves could play Kenshi.
Me: No that would be a bad idea.
Rustin: Why?
Me: Because Kenshi is blind, not mute.


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